Call me a victim of the White Man's brainwashing, but I love a female with long hair. To me, there's nothing sexier than a woman carelessly flicking her luxurious locks over her shoulders, or a woman walking down the street--especially in some heels--with that wind in her hair or her curls bouncing up and down. Many women can grow their hair long. Good for you guys. Many women cannot. For these women, God blessed the world with the hair weave.
I'm not adverse to a woman wearing weave. In fact, I encourage it. Bald-headed women aren't sexy to me, sorry. You can be the prettiest broad in the face, but if your hair is snap short, I'm not interested. I'm a shallow bastard, sue me. If you gotta sew, glue, or braid in that remy or that yaki, it's all good with me. As long as you look good with it, I'm happy.
So no, I'm not adverse to a woman wearing a weave. But I am adverse to a woman wearing a bad weave, like the picture above of one of them Flavor Of Love hoes, who suffers the double misfortune of having a hit face and a hit hair weave too. If you're gonna get a weave, at least make the effort of convincing me that it's the hair that naturally grew from your scalp. It's 2010, step your track game up bitches.
This means:
1.) Don't Buy A Straight Weave When You Need A Perm And Then Cover Your Real Hair In Gel So That It'll Stay Down And Match The Texture Of The Weave. That shit is just tacky and it makes you look like a $1.50 hoodrat.
2.) If Your Real Hair Is Black, Don't Try And Fool Niggas With A Brown Weave. My eyes may be bad, but they ain't that damned bad. I can clearly tell the difference between black and brown, especially when the sun's shining on it.
3.) Don't Think That Because You Got A Weave That Means That No Maintenence Is Required. A lot of women got the idea that a weave means that you don't have to maintain it. Wrong!!!! You do have to maintain it, comb that motherfucker until you got that Hawaiian Silky.
4.) Don't Be Cheap. Self-Exclamatory. Don't be cheap when it comes to what type of hair you purchase. I'm not saying that you gotta walk around with $5,000 hair in your head, but spring that little extra for some human hair. It's human hair so it behaves like human hair. It swings like human hair, it bounces like human hair, you can style it like human hair, and you ain't gotta freak out when you get caught in a rain storm because human hair won't have you on the bus smelling like a wet hyena.
5.) Less Is More. Subtly is key. You don't wanna look like our friend in the picture at the top of this post. Weave is like anything else. Good in small doses but too much of it will have you looking like a Wookie took a nap on your head.
6.) Leave It To The Professionals. You wouldn't let Shaqueena from down the hall give you liposuction on her coffee table, so don't let that bitch do your hair at her coffee table. Find a professional weave-ologist and let that bitch do her job. Sure, you'll pay a lil more, but refer to #4.
Like with anything, you get out of your fake hair what you put into it. Spend a lot and it'll look like you spent a lot. Be cheap and you're gonna look cheap. As a man, I have more respect and a better appreciation for woman that makes the effort to delude me into thinking that they got Indian in their family. I daresay that I'm not the only dude that does. And if you don't wear weave, I'm not suggesting that you do. It's your hair and you have a right to wear it any way that you want to. Bought hair, grown hair, permed hair, natural hair, it's all good if you like it. Just keep it looking tight.
A Thirsty Ass Bitch, a.k.a. a Desperate Bitch, is a danger to themselves and to everyone around them. Their desire to quench their thirst is so great that they'll behave in ways that are unreasonable, unethical, irrational, and sometimes even illegal. They lose the capacity to care about anyone or anything other than sating their desire to partake of whatever will satisfy their thirst. To achieve their goal, the Thirsty Ass Bitch will lie, cheat, steal, or kill. And the sad thing? In their parched minds, they did absolutely nothing wrong.
A Thirsty Ass Bitch will call you a dozen times at an ungodly hour where only whores, pimps, colicky babies, insomniacs, and other deviants are awake. A Thirsty Ass Bitch will blow your phone up with calls and text messages begging you to call them or demanding to know why you haven't called them. A Thirsty Ass Bitch will flood your Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, or whatever social networking site you use, sending you messages, tweets, or posting on your wall every 2 minutes. A Thirsty Ass Bitch will show up at your crib unexpectedly, unannounced, and unwanted at 1:30 am saying some shit like, "Oh, I was just in the neighborhood." Bitch please, your thirsty ass ain't fooling nobody. A Thirsty Ass Bitch will offer to fly you 1,000 miles, put you up in a 5 star hotel, pay for a rental car, and personally chauffeur you around their city, and all this before they even know the name your mama put on your birth certificate, and not the name your niggas call you. A Thirsty Ass Bitch will beg you not to leave after sex and to keep you with them they will entice you with offers of more sex and blueberry pancakes, eggs, and bacon that next morning with hand squeezed orange juice and the day's edition of the newspaper. A Thirsty Ass Bitch will lock her children in the closet to fuck you--a Thirsty Ass Bitch may not even tell you she has kids--because they might get in the way of her quenching her thirst. A Thirsty Ass Bitch will poke holes in your condoms, accidentally forget to take the pill, or tell you to forget the condom all together to get some. A Thirsty Ass Bitch will kill your pet, kidnap and kill her rival, kill you, and ultimately kill herself because if you refuse to satisfy her thirst, and you're stepping out with some other bitch, then that bitch deserves to die for not being as thirsty, you deserve to die for not satisfying the thirst, and the Thirsty Ass Bitch has to die because she has no one to quench her thirst.
And a Thirsty Ass Bitch will make you change your phone number, delete your social networking profile, change your email, sign onto AIM or YIM as Invisible, move far away, get a restraining order, and, in the worst case scenario, pick their thirsty ass out of a police line up or watch, as your soul ascends into Heaven--or descends into Hell or Purgatory--them kill themself or get taken into police custody.
Thirsty Ass Bitches are usually the result of low self-esteem. They may be attractive people physically, but for whatever reason they can't see that. When they get someone they act out because they're afraid that the person will leave them. Either that or they're so socially stunted that they aren't used to meeting people, and when they do they simply don't know how to act. They don't understand that their thirsty ways will cause others to leave them because they cannot think rationally. They are being led not by reason but by passion, and when humans let passion overpower reason, they behave in erratic ways. They have too much time on their hands and because they have no life, they make you their life.
This isn't to say that thirst or passion are bad, because they are natural human emotions. However, just because you are thirsty doesn't mean that you have to act like you're thirsty. Just because I haven't had water in 7 hours doesn't mean that I'm going to stick a nigga for his Poland Spring. It ain't that serious. Just because you aren't used to shit doesn't mean that you have to let everyone know how unused to shit you really are. There's something called playing hard to get, it's a game where you don't let the other person know how much you're feeling them, and that makes them want you more. Humans are weird in that we want the unattainable. There's something about a thing being so far above us that it's unreachable, that makes it all the more attractive to us. Be aloof, don't call them first, let them call you. I understand that it's hard because they got it going on, etc. But instead of stressing them, go for a fucking walk. Get your hair and nails done. Go shopping. Take a nap. Play 2K11 or COD. Watch TV. Do whatever you have to do to get them off your mind. Properly distracted, time will fly by, and before you know it, they're calling you because they're wanting to know why you haven't called them.
Thirsty Ass Bitches have to be dealt with harshly. This is because they sincerely don't believe that they are doing anything wrong. They're just trying to befriend you, why are you acting that way? Most Thirsty Ass Bitches don't know they're Thirsty Ass Bitches. As this is the case, it's up to you to let them know. You can't ignore a Thirsty Ass Bitch. You can't gently let a Thirsty Ass Bitch down. The only way that you can be rid of a Thirsty Ass Bitch is to force them to face their thirsty ass ways and they can only face them once they realize that they exist. Be as nasty as possible. Make them cry even. Make them look upon you with so much distaste, disgust, and disfavor that they'll never want to think of you again. You don't want them in your lives anyway, so why be concerned with their feelings? Tell them like the picture below says, fuck you and your fucking feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
